Mafia Gazette Past Issue 62
'The Mafia Gazette Issue 62 ' For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 6th December 'BANK CLOSES: SAVERS LOSE MILLIONS ' By: Yasser3 MadDog, an affluent banker, renowned for his connections with the Mafia, declared that as of 09:00 December 2nd , 2005 his bank was closed to any further deposits and withdrawals. Nearly a month ago, the said banker had lost about eight million when his bank account was confiscated on money laundering charges. The announcement was made by the banker himself on the streets and was subject to criticism and support, with arguments between two of the country’s most influential women, Bailey and XRated_Zadie on the streets. Zadie is reported to have lost nearly 18 million in the deal, along with associate AphexJnr. MadDog disclosed that the amount that people lost was nearly 27.3 million, but speculation is rife that it does not include the eighteen million that Zadie and her associate and deposited with MadDog. This brings the total up to nearly 45 million, which is a sizeable amount. We at the gazette sought an interview with MadDog himself, and he was more than co-operative in the process. He disclosed to us that he has over 100 customers, some off them he didn’t even know, and who sent him deposits with no formal agreements, he had not even heard of these people, let alone see them. According to him, he was not there to do the community a favour; he was in the business to make money. He claimed he had never claimed any interest from borrowers, but he always charged a small percentage off the profits if was a business deal. We asked MadDog who lost the most in the bank’s closing, he replied: “Who lost the Most? Well I don’t want to name names.” When asked who gained the most, he said, “Who gained the most is a hard question. I supported many groups. UN received tens of millions in donations. Dragon son (Cold ice) received 15 mil different families received between five and ten mil. Merc over two periods of being made received close to 4 mil. Czylharz received three million. Many street bosses received one million. I usually gave 200K start-up money to people who asked. Those were donations. One prominent member of our society appears to have defaulted on a 7.3-mil interest free loan. This loan was given over a two-month period to establish his family. If the transaction was less than a mil I kept no record of it.” People all over the country had different opinions about the closing, and regarded MadDog differently, One person who would like to be unnamed said” MadDog is a friend, I have a lot off money with him, I wont get it back, but my respect for the man still stands” Puck, off the ASDA said “I thought it was funny.” Another Unnamed person, who has received cash and help for running his organization has said “The man is nuts. He has always been, I’m surprised he aint dead yet”. The mafia word is in depression, with the hard laws on tax evasion and money laundering already, and the people don’t trust bankers anymore, after the closing off the bank, about five new smaller bank have sprung up, but there is public fear and not much business has been done by these. MadDog is now concentrating on a new line off business; Owning and collecting a stable off fast, good breed Horses. 'OVERPRICED HORSES LEAVE BUYERS IN THE COLD ' Anyone looking to own a horse is now looking at a hefty price tag for any purchase, and not a lot to show for it with some horses not having placed in two months. There are several horses, coming from the same stable, that are all priced at one hundred million dollars, with others from the same seller vastly overpriced for their performance. This seems to be fast becoming a worrying trend with horses now priced out of modest pockets and into those of the wealthy with income to burn. This increases the sell-on price of the horse and causes prices to spiral even higher. One horse is priced at three million dollars with it’s last placing in October. Another is over a million with only four placings since August. The horse traders are becoming greedy, thinking only of their own pockets rather than selling horses at reasonable prices that would see them sell. Demand has now reduced to a point where few are selling and less people are buying at the over-inflated prices. With the depreciation of the horses over time, stable fees and so on eating into any profits they do bring in, will it be long before the prices start dropping to fit the price range of those with more modest income, or will the traders continue to buy and sell to only the extremely wealthy? 'CHRISTMAS CANCELLED? ' Children all over the world will be shocked at the news coming from the North Pole. It was announced today that Santa has been kidnapped. Mrs Claus announced to a packed press conference that Santa went out yesterday to muck out the reindeer and did not return. After the elves had searched high and low, although mostly it was low given their limited height, a goat was spotted roaming near by. On closer inspection it was noticeded that the goat was chewing the remains of a note. It was in fact, a goat with a note (not to be confused with a gateaux from the chateuax). The note was taken away by the North Pole Police Special Investigations Branch for analysis. Early indications were that it had teeth larks around the edge, consistent with a small ruminant, although the police could not determine yet the species of animal concerned. "Chief Elf", Brian, 97, told shocked reporters that he had seen some of the note before the police removed it from the scene. He could not read all of it but was certain he saw the words, "Cheesey Crumps", "BASTARDS", and "Gazillion Dollars". He would not respond to questions that a pair of Minky Winkys had been seen near by, nor could he confirm that the goat with the note looked like it had recently been blown. At this stage all the worlds children will be praying that Santa is returned to the North Pole, unharmed, in time to carry out his annual breaking of the laws of physics. Whether that will happen depends very much on how far the worlds leaders are prepared to go to either catch or appease this bunch of B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S. who are holding Santa. 'DAHL HOUSE…ONE DOLL’S POINT OF VIEW ' A Commentary by BarbieDahl What I want for Christmas… I want to have a tea party with MoneyPenny. I’ll supply the tea, if she supplies the cheesey crumps. I want to drink some Irish Crème with Bailey. I want to see TieDomi win the coolest person alive award again this year. I want MadDog to get those rabies shots he so badly needs. I want YellowGil and FatherOMalley to have a hot cup of cocoa together this holiday. I want Carmela to get the Gazette delivered to her front door for a change. I want Miguel and bluebel to have a happy marriage. I want MrPickles family line to become Made Man again. My final thought…I want everyone to have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 'GOODFELLA’S CORNER ' ~The Preface~ Let me first introduce myself before I continue. My name is GoodFella and my bloodline has been around in our community for quite some time now; over four years to be more precise. The GoodFella family goes back far to Chicago and has been established around these parts a handful of times. After recent events though, I decided to begin working on a new project of mine, and as a citizen, I will hopefully be able to give some helpful advice to young and old Mafioso’s to the best of my knowledge. So here I go… For my first topic of discussion, I have chosen a very general and broad category, so that I can give you a basis and foundation for living and that topic is simply, how best to contribute to the community. We all seem to have our own agendas, and it is understandable that you may seek to only advance your own interests. But take a second and think of the bigger picture. If you contribute to the community as a whole, than you will also be affected and that can in itself, advance your interests while also, advancing some of the interests of others. How do you advance or “rank” for example? You can do all of the crimes, rob all of the banks, sling all of the drugs you want, but the bottom line is that if you have not communicated with the other members of the community, you can only go so far. Even if you were to somehow manage to rank to Made status, without contributing and communicating, you are nothing but a rank. True power comes with loyalty and love, not a gun and money. The greatest leaders in the world started off with only their tongues and a few men whom followed them. People need leaders, and leaders need followers. The best thing you can do is to first associate yourself with one of those categories. If you are a follower, than it is time you start contributing to your family as well as the community. Get into a crew or family that you can associate with, conduct business with, and become loyal to. And even in those crews, you can step up and take a position, office, or family leadership role of some kind to further everyone’s interest within that family. However, if you happen to feel that you are truly one of the few “leaders” out there. You have a greater responsibility. You have to choose whether to start your own crew and at the same time, contribute greatly to the community and make a name for yourself, or join another Made family and rank that way by helping out the boss. It is up to you to decide, but the key to all of this is the understanding of what is important. Family is everything, and the sooner one accepts this, the sooner they can become an effective and great member of the community. So go out, start your own crews, buy your own bars, find your own family and friends, say what you want on the streets, speak from your heart, love whom you respect, and respect whom you love. Do this my friends, and you will go far… 'LETTERS PAGE ' To whom it may concern, I was tending to urgent business in the downtown area of, I believe it was Las Vegas when suddenly I heard a loud bang. I turned to look only to find Mr. Stevens bleeding severely from his right shoulder. A second shot rang out, then a third. My escorts had by this time surrounded me, guns drawn and began to return fire upon my assailant. They quickly dispatched the would be wrong doer, and while three remained to guard me, the fourth ran to a near by phone booth to call for help. I held my friend, Mr. Stevens in my arms assuring him it would be alright. By the time the paramedics arrived, a short 5 minutes later, Mr. Stevens had already left this world in my arms. Not until the paramedics went to load Mr. Stevens in the ambulance did I notice the blood covering my dress. Apparently he had not only sustained a wound to his shoulder but had also been shot in the back. I can say to his family without a doubt, this man saved my life. I owe him a debt I can never repay and he will be greatly missed. I was, shocked, to say the least by the letter he left for me. I will however, keep my thoughts on my friend to myself and perhaps to his family in time. Speaking of his family, I being a lady of some means have made every effort to make sure they will be well looked after. I would very much appreciate the media, and any well-wishers leaving them time to grieve before seeking any answers from them about his personal life. Miss C. Vicci 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) ...Feeling a litle less ordinary? Sick of recieving exactly what you ordered from your local drinking pit? Always wondered what it's like drinking meths with a cocktail chery? FEAR NOT! Slide on down to Detroit's newest bar! The Blind Man's Bar in downtown Detroit is open for business and ready to cater for you! It offers every drink under the sun, and should you get exactly what you ordered, you win a grand prize of $10000! Clive the owner is unfortunately a little ocularly challenged, but he will try his best to please! The Blind Man's Bar, where you'll never drink the same drink twice! And you'll never be privvy to witness statements! http://www.mafia.org/m2/comm-readpost.php?bar&id=12787 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) DirtyWaterz The Icecreme bar is now open.Please visit one of our locations today.We have icecreme,sodas,fries and shakes. Stop in today. mention this ad and recieve a free shake of your choice 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) The Bloody Needle is now open.We are a full service tatoo, piercing shop with locations nationwide.With over 20 years in the biz we offer clean sterile tatoos and piercings. mention this ad and get a free piercing. 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) If you're in New York and looking for somewhere to eat or drink then come on down to """The New York Irish Pub""" We serve nearly everything and have a very friendly barman. 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:42, February 15, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand and will be paid for. Normal articles will receive $5,000 and outstanding items will receive $10,000. '